Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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