Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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