ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize