You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
