We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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