I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
