Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
