My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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