i need an iv and a liver transplant
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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