I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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