i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
