Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
