Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
