put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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