i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
FUCK WHALES
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
