What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They are going to name an STD after you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
