matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
