I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
