its not stalking. its research.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
