I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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