At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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