I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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