the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
