mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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