in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
