I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
