If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You ate ashes out of my bong
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
