do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
