I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
