Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
