Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
