I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
