you're like a bully in the Christmas story
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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