I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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