He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
