Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
