And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
