i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
