My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
