he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
