Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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