So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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