I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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