I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
