I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Your penis caused this!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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