If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
