I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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