i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
