i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize