At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
