at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
