She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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