So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
