I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
