Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
