My Higher Power is John Stamos
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.