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Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
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