My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back