Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"