I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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