So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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