Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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