i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
