first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
