Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.