i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it