Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
