Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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