Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
